Notes, observations, assumptions and bizarre tales from Week 1 of the Games…

In case you’re wondering if American figure skater Michelle Kwan lives a charmed life, try this Goodwill Games “moment”. Some Americans I know have visited Australia many times and have yet to see a living Koala bear. On her first day in Brisbane, Kwan arrives at a skating rink to find one of the indigenous beasts hanging out, just waiting to be made a fuss over by the many out-of-towners who’ve descended.

Tuesday, the recently turned 21-year-old Kwan was introduced to a kangaroo during a visit with TNT’s Goodwill Games studio host Ernie Johnson Jr., who anchors the Primetime Show from Brisbane nightly at 9 p.m. ET. With only 5 ½ months to the 2002 Salt Lake City Olympic Winter Games, the reigning world champion was no doubt thankful for the chance encounters. She says she has no plans to explore other regions of Australia after the Games conclude Sunday. It’s back to training in southern California.

Try out an “Australian café speak” pop quiz:
A “flat white” is …
1. The secret service code name for Al Gore
2. Pole vaulter Tatiana Grigorieva’s stomach
3. A shot of espresso, Cappuccino-style, minus the foam

Swimmers Ian Thorpe, Grant Hackett and Michael Klim are so universally popular that the Queensland Olympic Council has rolled out signed, limited edition lithographs featuring the pool studs to mark the one year anniversary of the Olympics in Sydney. The smallest versions, about 11 x 14, start at US$170. … Though the guys are the focal point of swimming mania here, local newspapers proclaimed Tuesday that the Aussie women’s team is now their equal after it dominated an admittedly second-tier U.S. team. “Suddenly,” reported The (Brisbane) Courier-Mail, “after disposing of the young core of America’s projected 2004 Athens Olympic team … the idea of (the Australian women) matching the male squad’s No. 1 world ranking didn’t seem so preposterous.”

The undisputed leader of the steamrolling Aussie women was 25-year-old Petria Thomas. Although scheduled to undergo surgery on a nagging right foot, she earned a staggering 12 gold medals in 15 races during the Goodwill meet. It was estimated Thomas’ effort in the butterfly races alone covered a total distance of slightly more than one mile.

In a most sincere tone of voice, a young vendor explained that the filling in the popular “meat pie” snack is minced steak. She did not specify beef steak, however. But at US$1.25 per pie, were we expecting Angus sirloin? Better not to ask. And better to visit a meat pie stand only after an extended fast.

Are you ready for some backstroke? On the Channel Nine Network, the Australian version of “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” was only the warm up act to Monday’s live, 9 p.m. broadcast of the men’s gold medal team event.

Sightings … TNT analyst and women’s basketball legend Cheryl Miller strolling near Brisbane’s Victoria Bridge. … Olympic speed skater Dan Jansen go-cart racing with injured sprinter Maurice Green, who nonetheless traveled to Brisbane to work as a track analyst for TNT. … Olympic swimming great Mary T. Meagher, a.k.a., Madame Butterfly, attending swimming, gymnastics and beach volleyball. She is here with her husband, Goodwill Games Inc. President Mike Plant, and their two children.

You will never yearn for champagne again after a taste of Australian sparkling Chardonnay from the McLaren Vale wine country.

The theme of Brisbane’s Goodwill Games music and cultural program, running concurrent with the sports schedule, is “RED …paint the town!” The stars of RED are five local actors, known as The Red Men, who wander about painted entirely in bright red. (See accompanying photo). Their heads are shaved. They wear purple sweaters and mirrored sunglasses.

In a GoodwillGames.com exclusive, the Red Men revealed to your humble correspondent that they have never seen or heard of the Blue Man Group. They tell me they devote 90 minutes each morning to being sprayed with an alcohol-based, no-run paint. But they enjoy the benefits of disguise.

“Painted in red,” says a cast member known simply as Red Man #1, “I can approach any man, woman or child and ask for a hug, and find they will talk to me at length. In my normal attire, without the red paint, I can approach any man, woman or child, ask for hug, and be knocked down or hauled away by the authorities.”